I have friends roughly my age ask, "what do you feel when you see my children?" It's bizarre really, but I have a totally new perspective. Rebecca tells me, "once a daddy, always a daddy" and it's really true. I appreciate all children so much more. I know what a treasure they are and I treasure them with you. I know what I want to teach my children, how I want them to behave and what I want them to know. I want all those good things for your children too and I want to assist in that process by expecting the same of your children as you do and supporting and loving them the same as you do.
It really is a whole new perspective for me because now I'm on the parents team.
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3 comments:
Hey Micah
I'm not too good at this but I'll try.
I think this is an interesting post seeing as how MY kids were there when you posted this. It's funny how quickly you can switch sides.
I wanted to let you know that I appreciate the help and perspective you gave while we were there. You were always there backing me up when I was too tired or frazzled by them to enforce my own expectations. I appreciate the low-stress manners training y'all provide and all the other countless ways y'all influence the lives of my children. You have a quiet, insistent way to which, I think, children take a natural liking.
In the short while we were around Baby William, you proved time and again that you are a great daddy. Going without Rebecca's income to promote her health and William's, planning for him and acquiring a house, supporting her in all her efforts to birth a healthy baby--these are some things you did before he was born. In the few days we had with him before he was buried you cared for him like he was a precious jewel (which he is)--directing a beautiful funeral, constructing a casket and carrying him everywhere yourself.
I am so sorry you won't get a chance to father William all the way into adulthood. You already are a great father and any children who are lucky enough to get any of that type of attention from you (I know a few) are truly blessed.
When I left this week, I cried and cried and my children asked me why I was crying. I told them I was sad. That's pretty much all I can say. I am so sad. I am sad because I had to leave. I am sad because my sister is sad (and you too) I am sad because I don't live next door. I am sad because my children don't have a "new baby cousin" as Wyatt puts it.
Today is the fifth anniversary of Wyatt's birthday. I am tremendously grateful that God chose to allow me 5 years with him so far. I see your experience and know that much more fully how grateful I am. Every minute is not full of joy with these guys. Most of the time they wear me out, but I am always glad to have them. This is not meant in any way to justify what happened or make you feel like something came out of your loss. I was only reporting a natural consequence of knowing of your loss--for whatever that is worth.
Hang in there. Pass some time. Put a few things on your calendar. If Rebecca has to go through this sort of pain, I am glad she has you to go through it with (I am knowingly ending that with a preposition because I am too tired to think of another way to say it). Take care.
Rachel
its mandi holmes -
you know, you're good at conveying what you're thinking and feeling. i've read a few of these and i really like hearing what's on your heart and mind. mom and i would like to come over and see you guys this week if that's cool. do either of you have my # ?? mom got a new number and the simcard got messed up so we dont have yours anymore! maybe i can get yours from the Argyle office or something? anyway - blessings, hope to see you this week.
This is rich stuff, bro. God bless you in the process.
Your friend in Kenya
Steve
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