Good Gifts

A family member called and asked what a good gift is for someone going through a similar situation. That's really an interesting question, because people are so different and there's never a "perfect gift" like for a birthday, anniversary, etc. However there were two gifts to us that were wonderful.

One was when people brought dinner and stayed to have it with us. We enjoyed getting to spend time with people who loved us enough to take care of us. It was some really special time, time to talk with friends, sometimes even make new friends, sometimes it was just a great distraction from 'real life.'

The other great present that we enjoyed were dining and entertainment/movie gift cards. As I write that it sounds bizarre, but they really were great. As I've said before, when you're in that situation you don't want to eat, you don't want to cook, you don't want to do anything after such an ordeal when the grief is fresh. Having the gift cards to go eat somewhere and then go to a movie where a wonderful, even if temporary, escape. I know a lot of people think gift cards are cheating, but they were wonderful to us because they provided a pressure release valve for us. When we needed, on our own time we could just go out, get away and everything was taken care of.

Those were two of the best, but really anything you can do to be present will be welcome. I still remember everyone who sent flowers to the funeral. I remember everyone who donated to a charity we support. I was surprised by some of them, I had no idea they would care, but I appreciated that they thought of me and will always remember them fondly.

Holding on to Sanity by a Thread

I'm in St Lucia working on a beautiful house, working long late hours and sometimes I wonder why. Many days -- for many days before I came to the islands -- it feels like I'm holding on to sanity by a thread. When several things go really wrong, I wonder some times why keep trying to create anything.

When it feels like I don't know what to do with myself or why try anything anyway, I don't want to do anything. Alas the realities of taking care of Rebecca and providing food and shelter for her keep me from doing anything crazy. Those of you who've known me for a while know I'm likely to go find the edge and do a back flip off it.

So I guess being married is some of what saves me. If not for the responsibility to Rebecca, who knows what I may think is an OK plan.

Thanks for the public therapy. I was sitting here wondering why not just swim across the bay and hang out in the hammocks under the palms, but thinking through things helps one from being too rash.

Most Common Question Ever

Just to put everyone's mind at ease, I'll go ahead and answer the one question absolutely everyone asks. I don't know why everyone is so concerned about it. It's bizarre (to me anyway) how everyone from family to strangers want to know, "well, are you still trying?"

Yes, we never stopped unless ordered to by a doctor. There, everyone can rest easier now. ;)

Facebook is hell

It really is. I'm on Facebook with tons of friends and I love being able to catch up with old friends, make invitations, post pictures, etc, but really I haven't really had the stomach to use it much lately. Kinda of like my previous post, it now really sucks to go around and see all these kids I went to school with who now have like 5 kids and they have all their pictures up of them doing funny things, etc. It really just sucks. So if I haven't been responding on Facebook, I'm sorry, it's just painful lately. It's hell really.

It's Creeping In

It's creeping in and gaining ground... being wierd. It's getting harder and harder to feel normal and relaxed about not having any kids yet. Now when I see a little two year old boy being cute, it's really a lot harder to be normal. I used to be happy to see kids, and think to myself, "I can't wait 'till it's my turn." Not so much any more. I don't have as much hope as I used to. After the first couple failures, I still had hope, but as time goes on it's fading away. It's just harder to feel "normal." I used to enjoy kids, now more often than not it's more painful. It's just kind of creeping in.

Don't cry over spilled milk

...or chocolate milk for that matter. However, a clever engineer-type fellow might devise an especially efficient method for consuming the aforementioned spillage.