Ups and Downs

Well, this last weekend was extremely tough. First, I went to Oshkosh, WI for my annual airplane dreaming vacation at the EAA Airventure show. It's a collection of 2,500 or more airplanes of all types: old "war birds", business jets, geneal aviation, gliders, military fighters, homebuilt and experimental airplanes, floatplanes, helicopters, ultra-lights... I think you get the picture that it's a lot of flying things.

That show and that vacation time is one of my favorite times of year, and it just struck me like a ton of bricks that I won't be able to bring him along. As my buddies and I sat around the beer garden till midnight, I thought that in 21 years he won't be there with me, enjoying what we've been enjoying all this time, telling stories among friends. I saw so many little boys walking around the show with their dads, excitedly running and pointing at almost every single airplane they saw, shielding their eyes to watch the airshow and I don't have my little boy. Almost to top it off, there was a new childrens cartoon debuted at the show called Andy's Airplanes. (it really is quite cute I think) I walked by it almost every day, and boy if that isn't just salt in the wound, I don't know what is.

I don't know if you guys noticed, but his little outfit at the funeral had airplanes on it because I knew we would enjoy airplanes together.

So Sunday night when I got back, we had a long cry about that. Then Monday was the 30th which is the six month mark and that was hard too. We had another good cry about that and filled my ears up again. When you cry while lying on your back, your tears run into your ears until it sounds like you're in an aquarium.

So really, I don't think the pain lessens, it just gets concentrated from the easier every day events into the harder meaningful events. I kind of feel like a 9/11 survivor; we'll survive, but we'll never forget.