For some reason lately I've been meeting a lot of new people. It's bizarre how every single person asks, "So, do you have any kids?" I always pause. ...Is this a person I'm going to talk to again, someone who might start telling me that I should really should have some because they're so great, someone who may care one way or another what actually happened? Most of the time I torpedo them. I say, "not any more and not yet." "What!?!" "Well, we had a boy, but he died and we've lost two since him, but we're still trying." They just sit there shocked for a moment then usually say something like, "I'm sorry to hear that. You should keep trying and you'll have one." Sometimes people have had similar experiences and have sympathy and hope to offer. Some are rendered speechless.
Most of the time I feel bad because they were all upbeat, happy to see me, thought they asked a safe question and they just got totally blindsided, but really I've found it's best for me, and perhaps the relationship, if I'm just honest upfront. When people don't know what's happened, they say all kinds of silly things that I really have a hard time tolerating.
What's the best way to break the news, "our baby died, and we've lost two since then. How about you?"
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
You know...I just tell people from the start. Even strangers who I may never see again. You are proud parents of 3 children! Share that with as many people as you can because we never know how the story of our sweet babies may touch the life of someone else.
We think of you guys ALL the time and are praying for you as well. Many blessings to you during this time of Thanksgiving.
I've thought about this a lot and decided the way you handle it is good because it works best for you. It ends the silly chatter about how you really should have some, you know. It's amazing how much more often (now) I don't ask those questions. I just wait and see if people want to talk about that.
I was so sad at the beginning of December and the Christmas season that I cried almost every day. Crying and talking to Rebecca about it seemed to help (or something did) and I'm better now. I continue to pray with persistence for the two of you.
Love, Tassy
One more comment from Tassy...I, too, haven't known how to answer people about how many grandchildren we have. I have taken my cue from Grandpa Bobby (G-Bob). From the beginning, he has said we have ten grandchildren which counts William as one of the gang. At first, I was a little uncomfortable since I might not want to talk about William's short life. However, G-Bob is right. We have ten grandchildren, and that is what I always answer now.
Love, Tassy and can I say "Merry Christmas!"
If it's a stranger that you'll never see again- tell them three- if it's not I'd say three in heaven- in my early days of loss I would seek out people to tell them- to see the look on their faces because for a moment they felt horrible- the way that I was feeling- It's a question that sucks- I don't like to get into it and I have three living children so I will say I have three at home- and somehow adding at home helps... praying that you will have one 'at home' soon- the waiting sucks! peace!
Post a Comment