What it's like

Well, I have some new perspectives I'd like to share; just some random things I've learned lately. One is that people in grief may just not know what to do. I know many times we just had no idea what to do with ourselves. For instance, I was holding William in bed and then a camera came out and I smiled. I wasn't happy, I just don't know, it was a camera and you smile for the camera. What else should I do? So when encountering grieving people, don't expect them to know what to do or even behave normally. If you are the grieving person, just expect to be without your wits and it's totally OK. It's just what happens.

When we grieve we are exhausted. It's similar to stress, when something is going wrong our brain just runs all night long working over details, what ifs, etc. and we can't sleep until we're totally exhausted, then we wake up late and tired and it's just a bad cycle and it totally snowballs. So that's why at times we're totally exhausted. It's not rocket science, it's just something I wouldn't have expected, but it totally hits you hard.

Finally, what's it like to be us? One of the best analogies I've found is that it's like getting married, but bad. Take the emotional amplitude and invert it and the time line fits pretty well. The first day is a blur, it's crazy. The first week you are on the honeymoon and completely outside real life: it's great. Then you get back to real life, but you're keenly aware that life is radically different . After some time the new situation becomes a little normal, but it's still entirely different than before, it just feels more like normal. Similarly, no matter how much time passes you never forget that you're married, it's just part of normal. That's why this blog is called "The New Normal."