What do you say?

For some reason lately I've been meeting a lot of new people. It's bizarre how every single person asks, "So, do you have any kids?" I always pause. ...Is this a person I'm going to talk to again, someone who might start telling me that I should really should have some because they're so great, someone who may care one way or another what actually happened? Most of the time I torpedo them. I say, "not any more and not yet." "What!?!" "Well, we had a boy, but he died and we've lost two since him, but we're still trying." They just sit there shocked for a moment then usually say something like, "I'm sorry to hear that. You should keep trying and you'll have one." Sometimes people have had similar experiences and have sympathy and hope to offer. Some are rendered speechless.

Most of the time I feel bad because they were all upbeat, happy to see me, thought they asked a safe question and they just got totally blindsided, but really I've found it's best for me, and perhaps the relationship, if I'm just honest upfront. When people don't know what's happened, they say all kinds of silly things that I really have a hard time tolerating.

What's the best way to break the news, "our baby died, and we've lost two since then. How about you?"